BREAKING: Obama Dissolves House Of Representatives

 Tea Party Cat

In a move that shocked the Capitol, President Obama dissolved the House of Representatives this morning. At the press conference announcing the move, Obama read from a prepared statement:

“I think it’s obvious to everyone that the House has been broken for some time. But after the House couldn’t pass their own bill to reopen government and raise the debt ceiling– even with all their ridiculous demands– it was clear the House was beyond repair.
“The Constitution set up the House to be the branch of government most responsive to the will of the people. With shorter terms and smaller districts, members were to represent the wishes of the people, and yet as poll after poll shows, the House is incapable of taking any action desired by the people. Whether immigration reform, gun control, defunding Obamacare, or any of the fiscal crises, the House has been on the wrong side.
“And so I have decided that everyone will be better off eliminating the part of government which recent polls show is even less popular than herpes or testicular cancer. We still have a democracy in this country, but it will just be through the Senate and Presidency now, as well as all the state and local governments.
“Thank you, and God bless America.”

When reached for comment, former Speaker John Boehner told reporters “To be honest, I’m relieved. That job had become a real drag, and I look forward to not having my every move second-guessed by everyone, most of all by that little weasel, Eric Cantor.”