Ted Cruz lists 100 failings of bipartisan compromise

Liberal Bias

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The following is a partial transcript of Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-Texas) floor speech on the bipartisan deal to avert default and re-open the government on Oct. 16, 2013:

Unfortunately, once again it appears the Washington establishment is refusing to listen to the American people.
The deal that has been cut provides no relief to the millions of Americans who are hurting.
The deal that has been cut provides no relief to all the young people coming out of school.
It provides no relief to all the single parents who have been forced into part-time work.
It provides no relief to all the hardworking families who are facing skyrocketing health insurance premiums.
It provides no relief to all the seniors, to all the people with disabilities, who are right now getting in the mail notifications from their health insurance that they’re losing their health insurance.

Seemingly in a trance, he continued:

It provides no relief to all of the homeless people who can’t find a jobs.
It provides no relief for people who have pre-existing conditions.
It provides no relief for people who are just totally tired of being sick all the time.
It provides no relief for people who are scared to go to the dentist.
It provides no relief to hunters who feel bullied by the anti-gun lobby.
It provides no relief to all of business executives who were caught recently at strip clubs by their wives.
It provides no relieve to all of the students, hard-working students, who got B- or worse on their mid-terms.
It provides no relief for people who are dissatisfied with the way that Breaking Bad ended.
It provides no relief for my interns, who keep getting food thrown at them in the cafeteria.
It provides no relief for John Boehner’s ego, which isn’t something that I actually care that much about.
It provides no relief for Christians who get upset whenever people wish them a “happy holiday”.
It provides no relief for over-weight pets, who really aren’t to blame for their obesity, now are they?
It provides no relief for people who do not like green eggs and ham.
It provides no relief for people who will not eat it in a box.
It provides no relief for people who will not eat it with a fox….

He continued in this vein until Eric Cantor tapped him gently on the shoulder, and sadly shook his head side-to-side. Although startled at first, Cruz regained his composure and continued on with his prepared speech.