Some really crazy things came out of the mouths of the frothing right wing this week –
.
While
Thighmaster spokeswoman Suzanne Somers has matured since her hit TV
show days, her plumpers and politics have pretty much ossified. Her
enlightened take on the Affordable Care Act appeared in the Wall Street
Journal this week, concluding that it’s “a greater Ponzi scheme than
that pulled off by Bernie Madoff.” She wrote 535 hysterical words, in
which Lenin came up in addition to Madoff, on the topic of this dreaded
“socialized medicine.” By the next day, the Journal had published nearly
a fifth as many words in corrections.
But it did not correct the
“Ponzi scheme” assertion, which was based on flimsy anecdotes about
relatives who had bad experiences with Canadian doctors, and how Somers
is hearing on the news that everyone’s premium is doubling and tripling.
(Any guesses as to which so-called news channel she watches?)
This
piece of rocket science appeared in WSJ’s “The Experts” section, which
bills itself as “an exclusive group of industry, academic and cultural
thought leaders who weigh in on the latest debates.”
Fox
libertarian spokes-moustache John Stossel became rather mentally
unbalanced about the fairness of the Affordable Care Act this week. It’s
not fair, he whined, that under the law, men have to pay as much for
health insurance as women because “Women go to the doctor much more
often than men! Maybe they’re smarter or maybe they’re hypochondriacs.
They live longer. Who knows?”
The point is, they’re women, dammit.
Another
thing that has Stossel and a number of Republicans really irked is that
men have to help pay for pregnancy and maternity coverage, when men
can’t even get pregnant. It’s so unfair!
Look, everyone knows that
women get pregnant all by themselves, and it’s their fault they got
themselves into this fix, and they damn well better get themselves out
of it. Hypochondriacs!
While
women are making bank with this whole Obamacare Ponzi scheme, you know
who is getting screwed? Young people, that’s who. Concerned Women for
America is very very concerned about that; concerned that young people
may actually choose to join a program that will help them afford health
insurance.
Concerned Women don’t just get concerned about any old
thing. They’re not losing any sleep about silly things like tens of
thousands of children going hungry because of the massive food stamp
cuts that just took effect. They only get concerned about important
things, like how close Miley Cyrus’ butt got to Robin Thicke’s crotch at
the VMA Awards.
In an interview this week with the Christian
Broadcasting Network, Concerned spokeswoman Alison Howard sent out the
alarm bells to “young subsidizers” who might sign up for a
“government-run program that’s a complete fail.”
“Complete fail!” she said. So hip with that phrasing!
Then
she told those same hip young people, who listen to CBN all the time,
to “pray for our nation’s leaders, that they have wisdom and clarity to
fix this very broken problem and help us completely heal as a country,”
according to
Right-Wing Watch.
This praying stuff will be good practice for when you get sick or hurt, and don’t have health insurance.
4. 27 GOP senators vote to disapprove of themselves.
At
first glance, maybe this headline actually makes sense. About time
these clowns disapproved of themselves for their heartless policies and
shameless tactics. But, no, no. No such attack of conscience has hit the
Republicans in Congress. What took place this week in the Senate may
have set a new low on the moron scale—and these days, that is really
saying something. All 27 Republican senators who voted recently to raise
the debt ceiling, pay the nation’s bills, and reopen the government
(and arguably do their jobs), voted this week in favor of a symbolic
“resolution to disapprove” of that vote. All of them.
Apart from
making no sense (but when has that stood in the way of Republican
politics?) the vote was completely pointless, unless the point was to
further illustrate their idiocy.
Actually, the point was as simple
as it was hypocritical. (Remember when John Kerry was given hell after
saying he was for something before he was against it? At least some time
passed in between.) The point was simply to brazenly give these
Republicans political cover, so that Tea Partiers and other right-wing
crazies won’t try to unseat them.
5. Marsha Blackburn: Americans must be free to drink from red Solo cups.
Tennessee
Republican Marsha Blackburn made some marvelously on-point comments
during the congressional “yell at Kathleen Sebelius” hearing on the
bumpy Obamacare roll-out this week.
“Some people like to drive a
Ford, not a Ferrari … And some people like to drink out of a red Solo
cup, not a crystal stem. You’re taking away their choice,” said Rep.
Blackburn.
Blackburn has taken the lead as a defender of
Americans’ rights to choose many important things this week, not just
red Solo cups. From cheap shoes, clothing and plasticware to insurance
plans that don’t cover much of anything, or kick you off when you get
sick. Cause we’re Amurricans, damn it. And we’re free.
Yes, she’s a
staunch defender of freedom and the rights of all Americans to choose.
Except, of course, women’s right to choose whether to have a baby or get
contraception. That’s the government’s job.
6. S.C. soup kitchen to atheists: No serving soup for you!
Everyone
knows that religious belief and serving food to the poor are
inextricably intertwined. Which is why it makes total sense that a group
of avowed atheists,
Upstate Atheists, were
banned from helping out at the Spartanburg Soup Kitchen in South
Carolina last week. Since they were not allowed in, they set up across
the street to distribute food and other necessities like toothpaste and
socks to the area’s poor. And they did this while not believing in god.
What an abomination!
Upstate Atheists’ slogan is “Charity Beyond
Belief,” but the Spartanburg Soup Kitchen wasn’t buying it, calling the
atheists’ mission “counter to the mission of the soup kitchen.” The
executive director then added, “They can have the devil there with them,
but they better not come across the street.”
We did not know that the devil had branched out into the charity business. Clearly, a rebranding scheme.
7. Minn. Republican party posts, then deletes, unbelievably racist message.
The
Chisago County, Minn. Republican party got caught with a deeply
offensive Facebook post comparing abortion to slavery this week.
“Pro
Choice. Against Slavery? Don’t buy one,” said the caption to a picture
depicting a slave auction. MSNBC and radio Host Ed Schultz
posted a screengrab of the photo on his Facebook page.
Unsurprisingly,
outrage ensued, leading the party to delete the post and deny any
responsibility for it. They said their page was made by a “large number
of administrators,” who, we guess, aren’t vetted very well.
But they are very, very sorry, and sought to remind everyone that the Republican Party derives from the anti-slavery movement.
Today’s Republican Party always reminds us of abolitionists and Lincoln.
8. Nevada Rep.: ‘Would bring back slavery if constituents wanted it.’
Nevada
Assemblyman Jim Wheeler did not get the Republican anti-slavery memo,
as evidenced by comments Wheeler made to the Storey County Republican
Party in August,
according to the Associated Press, that
came to light this week.
He
said he’d bring back slavery if that was what his constituents wanted.
There was a Youtube video of it that now appears to have been taken
down. Perhaps someone thinks these comments make him look bad. Even
racist. Which, of course, he is not. Why would you think that?
Because
he did add that he would find it distasteful to bring back slavery,
saying “I’d have to hold my nose … they’d probably have to hold a gun to
my head, but yeah.”
That’s how dedicated this man is to public service. He’d be willing to override his own lack of bigotry to represent bigots.
9. Religious broadcasters: It’s simple. Miley Cyrus sold her soul to the devil.
Remember Miley Cyrus’ tongue at the VMA? Remind you of anyone? Someone with a forked tongue perhaps?
It’s
a well-known fact that the devil has completely taken over the
entertainment industry—Rick Santorum definitely thinks so—so it should
not come as a surprise that there was a coded message in Cyrus’ infamous
performance. She was announcing she’d sold her soul to the devil,
said a pair of religious right broadcasters.
Broadcaster
Rick Wiles and anti-rock music pastor Joe Schimmel confirmed this
revelation on Wiles’ TruNews radio program this week.
“The
American entertainment industry loves perverting the souls of innocent
children, [and] they thrive on their wicked methods of defiling children
and converting them into little citizens of Babylon. It is the work of
the synagogue of Satan. Their latest poster child to recruit little
Babylonians is Miley Cyrus,” Wiles said.
Wait, “synagogue”?
He
also said he has seen an actual photo of Cyrus licking the ribs of a
caped skeleton figure with red eyes and horns, according to Raw Story.
An actual photo!
Schimmel agreed, as any reasonable person would.
Cyrus, he said, has been “baptized into the Illuminati.” Her dance
moves, he added, are demonstrations of “how to have sex with some
satanic figure.”
Let us pray for the safe return of Miley Cyrus’ soul.
10. David Conn: Obama similar to Jim Jones.
It was a banner week on Wiles’ TruNews radio program. He also interviewed a very enlightening Jim Jones/Jonestown cult “expert.”
David
Conn, the “expert,” is seeing the emergence of another Jim Jones-like
figure in our midst—President Obama, who embodies “the re-emergence of
the Jones Cult mentality on a grand national level.”
Let’s unpack that for a sec.
“First
off, Jones captured the media and Obama captured the media,” Conn
explained. Also they both had strange childhoods, and were yearning for
father figures. Leaving the plane of reality altogether, Conn added,
“Obama’s only father figure was a terribly nasty old man, a pornographer
and a child molester and a cocaine user who was an avowed communist.”
Wiles knew just who he was talking about: Frank Marshall Davis. He’s the one who got Obama into cocaine.
Also,
both of them, Jones and Obama, had a background of community
organizing. Of course, Obama’s cult is Islam, so that’s a slight
difference. But otherwise, it’s a no-brainer.
Here, have some more Kool-Aid.
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