6 Most Absurd Christian Conspiracy Theories About the Nonexistent 'War on Christmas'
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December 6, 2013
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It’s an article of faith among the Religious Right that
there’s a war on Christmas underway in the United States. Shoppers would
be hard-pressed to see evidence of this seasonal conflict, as anyone
who stared mystified at stores decked out with Christmas garlands even
before Halloween can testify. Christmas would seem as ubiquitous as
ever. Nevertheless, every year groups like the American Family
Association, the Liberty Counsel and others, aided and abetted by the
zealous elves at the Fox News Channel, spread horrific tales of
state-sponsored yuletide banishment.
This year they have help: Sarah Palin’s new book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas,
is burning up bestseller lists. The tome recycles several Religious
Right claims about the war on Christmas, but in typical Palin style, the
hard evidence remains thinner than dollar-store wrapping paper.
What’s
really going on? I’ve been an unwilling combatant in this conflict
since it was hatched by the Religious Right some years ago. Believe me,
there’s less here than meets the eye—much less.
Upon even cursory examination, the Religious Right’s “war on Christmas” claims melt faster than a snowman in Belize.
1. Public schools have banned the colors red and green.
This one has been floating around the web for years. It has morphed
into a classic Religious Right urban legend. The claim is made, but the
details are few. Key questions are left unanswered: Where did this
happen? When? How was the ban enforced? Was teal included?
The
claim, which appears to have been made up out of whole cloth, was
pinned on several unnamed schools. Finally, in 2005, a public school in
Michigan was accused by name. Asked about the matter, the principal
laughed and said there was no such color ban. It would be hard to ban
green at the school, he added: It’s the school’s color.
These
wild tales can cause schools real harm. A Dodgeville, Wisc., public
school that was falsely accused of banning Christmas carols was flooded
with hateful emails and calls. The school had to spend thousands of
dollars mounting a public campaign through the media to set the record
straight.
2. Public schools can’t recognize Christmas anymore.
It all depends on how they do it. Like it or not, Christmas has become a
holiday with significant religious and secular aspects. Public schools
can teach the religious aspects in an objective way, but they can’t
celebrate them in a religious way. That’s for church.
What
does this mean on the ground? A public school holiday concert that
includes only sacred music is a no-no. But a concert that includes
secular and religious tunes is all right. A play reenacting the nativity
is better for a church than a public school, but other types of
pageants may be acceptable. Sectarian symbols and signs are OK for use
in objective instruction but shouldn’t be posted in the school. And
finally, it’s no big deal if terms like “winter concert” and “holiday
concert” are used. A public school serves youngsters from many different
backgrounds. Inclusive terms make everyone feel welcome—job number-one
for any public school.
3. Special laws are needed because it’s illegal to say “Merry Christmas."
So-called “Christmas protection” laws have surfaced in a handful of
states this year. They are unnecessary and amount to little more than
grandstanding.
State legislators are free
to pass any silly measures they like, even ones that merely restate the
obvious. Such is the case in Texas, where a new law ensures that
everyone has the right to say “Merry Christmas.” Of course, no one had
been told not to say this. The measure’s sponsor, Texas Rep. Dwayne
Bohac (R-Houston) couldn’t point to any specific examples of Christmas
censorship when asked and would instead just insist that public schools
are afraid to use the term “Christmas tree.”
Which leads us to….
4. You can’t use the term “Christmas tree” anymore or even display them in public.
Sure you can. Christmas trees have never been declared religious
symbols, and many state and local governments display them. The trees
are hardly disappearing. Go for a walk in December if you want to see
some.
This myth started because Rhode Island Gov.
Lincoln Chafee has, for several years now, referred to the evergreen at
the statehouse as a “holiday tree.” Chafee did this because he is aware
that he represents people of many faiths (as well as those who have no
faith), and he wanted everyone to feel welcome. Thus, a gesture that is
kind and inclusive, and squarely in the best traditions of a holiday
season dedicated to peace and understanding, becomes, to the Religious
Right, an attack on all that is good and decent. (The irony is that
Christmas trees are hardly Christian. They are of pagan origin, and
there’s at least one Bible verse—Jeremiah 10:2-4—that seems to warn
Christians against them.)
5. Cities and towns can’t decorate for Christmas because someone will be offended. Poppycock. Plenty of communities decorate for Christmas and often use holiday displays as a lure to draw shoppers downtown.
But
it’s not as if anything goes. A pluralistic society has rules. The
Supreme Court has ruled that local governments can’t display only
religious symbols in December. They may include things like manger
scenes if they are part of a larger array that also contains secular
elements. Furthermore, private groups can, under certain conditions,
display religious symbols on government property on their own time and
with their own dime. But the city must play fair: If nativity scenes and
menorahs are displayed, other religious organizations, atheist groups
and Flying Spaghetti Monster adherents must be given access as well.
6.
Clerks in stores have been ordered to say “Happy Holidays,” and store
flyers and catalogs no longer mention the word “Christmas.”Some
do and some don’t. Many retailer workers say “Happy Holidays” because
1) they are reluctant to assume that their customers observe Christmas;
and 2) there is more than one holiday celebrated at this time of year.
Every
year, the American Family Association hires people to count the number
of times the word “Christmas” appears in store circulars. If it fails to
show up enough times to satisfy the AFA, the offending retailer is
subject to a boycott.
Aside from it being just a tad
obsessive, there are several problems with this approach. For starters,
retailers are private entities, not arms of the government. What they
say would seem to be their own business. Secondly, many retailers use a
mix of terms. (Vermont Country Store is notorious for this. A “holiday
catalog” will be followed a week later by a “Christmas catalog.”)
Finally, the Religious Right’s approach is overly simplistic because it
all boils down to one word: Christmas. Under this theory, the AFA’s
devotees can shop at an adult book store as long as it’s having a
Christmas sale.
***
A lot of people in
the Religious Right devote considerable time and energy to furthering
claims of a war on Christmas every year. What’s really going on?
Put
simply, American society has changed. We’re more religiously diverse
than ever. More and more people are doing their own thing. Some people
dare to celebrate Christmas in ways the Religious Right does not like.
They might jettison the religious stuff (midnight mass, prayers, Bible
stories, etc.) and keep the secular aspects (gift-giving, parties,
feasting, etc.). Some people add elements from other faiths and other
cultures. (You can buy “Festivus poles” on eBay these days.) Others
don’t celebrate the holiday at all.
As usual, the
Religious Right has a religiously correct way for all of us to do
things. If you deviate from that, you’re part of the “war on Christmas.”
I
call these whiners the “Christmas police.” According to the Religious
Right, there is just one way to celebrate Christmas: their way. You have
to say what they want, decorate the way they want and celebrate the way
they want. And they would love nothing more than to use the power of
government to remind everyone who’s boss and enforce Christmas
conformity.
It’s not so jolly, is it?
The
good news is that more and more Americans are standing up to the
Christmas police and rejecting the Religious Right’s view (which just
infuriates them all the more). This is still a free country, and we have
the right to observe the holiday in whatever way is meaningful for us,
as guided by conscience.
We have that right because
America’s founders saw fit to separate church and state and bequeathed
to us a secular constitution that protects all beliefs but enshrines no
one faith above others. Some might call that the best gift of all.
Season’s Greetings!
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