Thursday, August 29, 2013

Boehner: "I didn't attend March on Washington commemoration because I lacked the right ID"

Boehner: "I didn't attend March on Washington commemoration because I lacked the right ID"

The Daily Edge
john-boehner-keith-allison425x320Speaker of the House John Boehner denied today he had turned down an invitation to attend the 50th anniversary March on Washington commemoration this week because of a “scheduling problem” as previously reported.
“To be honest it was just a cock-up on my part,”  he told The Daily Edge. “I had an early morning tee time with corporate lobbyists at my exclusive all-male country club. You know how it is,” he went on. “The Big Oil guys sent a limo to pick me up at 5:30 AM. It wasn’t until I got the the 15th hole, I realized I’d left the house without my wallet.”
Boehner explained that he frequently left home without his wallet, especially when being entertained at “fancy schmancy” country clubs and restaurants or flying on the private jets of Wall Street CEOs.
“They call me ‘Mr. Short Arms,’” he chuckled, “Because I sometimes pretend I’m reaching for my wallet to pay a massive bar tab, but my arms never seem long enough to reach my pockets. It’s kind of a running joke. You have to be there, I guess.”
Our reporter urged the blurry-eyed Boehner to refocus on his explanation as to why he shunned the 50th anniversary celebration of the March for Jobs and Freedom, an event attended by Presidents Obama, Clinton and Carter and dedicated both to the memory of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and the ongoing challenges faces by minorities, women, the LGBT community and all children, students and all working families seeking their opportunity to access the American Dream.
“Without my wallet I didn’t have my Congressional ID to attend the event,” he said. “And for something like that, I wasn’t going to spend four hours on a round-trip drive to my apartment, fighting traffic all the way, just to take a shower, put on a suit, show up and pretend I give a shit about jobs or freedom.”
“You didn’t think it was kinda expected?” we asked.
“Of course,” said Boehner. “It’s like voting. You know you should do it. But we know that once we put all these elaborate obstacles in place for blacks and Hispanics and seniors and students, many of them simply won’t be able to jump through all the hoops we set up.”
“Really?” we prompted.
“Yeah, like that elderly woman born in the Jim Crow south to a midwife. She’s 78 years old. She doesn’t have a birth certificate or a driver’s license. Unless she has a gun license, she’s screwed. There’s no way she’ll ever be able to satisfy the new requirements. This is off the record, right?” he added with a nervous chuckle.
Additional background on Boehner’s love for golfing with lobbyists at all-male clubs:
More on the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington and the new war on voting rights:

@WinkProgress: Boehner: "I didn't attend March on Washington commemoration because I lacked the right ID" #news

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