Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits


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''As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where— where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border.''

—Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008




''The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel.'''
—Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about Obama's health care plan, Aug. 7, 2009




''So we discussed what was going on in Africa. And never, ever did I talk about, Well, gee, is it a country or is it a continent, I just don't know about this issue.''
—Sarah Palin, asked about the post-election revelation by McCain staffers that Palin thought Africa was a country, not a continent, Fox interview with Greta Van Susteren, Nov. 11, 2008




''If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?''
—Sarah Palin, in ''Going Rogue''



''As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?''
—Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's 'Kudlow & Co', July 2008




''How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it's about country.''
—Sarah Palin, quitting as governor, Wasilla, Alaska, July 3, 2009




''Perhaps so.''
—Sarah Palin, asked if America may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, September 11, 2008



''Nuclear weaponry, of course, would be the be-all, end-all of just too many people in too many parts of our planet.''
—Sarah Palin, CBS interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 25, 2008


Palin's Death Panels
''Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country's energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It's catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.''
—Sarah Palin, blaming the Gulf oil spill disaster on ''extreme environmentalists,'' Facebook message, June 2, 2010




Palin Crosshairs Map

''We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.''
—Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008





''Ohh, good, thank you, yes.''
—Sarah Palin, after a notorious Canadian prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler's 'Nailin Palin,' Nov. 1, 2008




''Well, let's see. There's — of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but —''
—Sarah Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008



Palin Job Interview
''All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.''
—Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 \



''They're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.''
—Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008



''They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.''
—Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco, Oct. 5, 2008




''I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out.''
—Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009




''Left Unalakleet warmth for rain in Juneau tonite. No drought threat down here, ever but consistent rain reminds us: 'No rain? No rainbow!'''
—one of many Tweets by Sarah Palin that William Shatner recited as poetry on 'The Tonight Show'




''It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out.''
—Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, July 3, 2009




''But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies.''
—Sarah Palin, on how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, radio interview with Glenn Beck, Nov. 24, 2010


Palin Swims Upstream
''Only dead fish go with the flow.''
—Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, July 3, 2009



''If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media.''
—Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008




''I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.''
—Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008



''But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy.''
—Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008




''I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.''
—Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council





''That's exactly what we're going to do in a Palin and McCain administration.''
—Sarah Palin, elevating herself to the top of the ticket, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Sept. 18, 2008


Back in Alaska

''They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.''
—Sarah Palin, on her foreign policy insights into Russia, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008



Palin Speaking EngagementPalin Mocks Obama's Teleprompter
''But then somebody sent me the other day, Isaiah 49:16, and you need to go home and look it up. Before you look it up, I'll tell you what it says though. It says, hey, if it was good enough for God, scribbling on the palm of his hand, it's good enough for me, for us. He says, in that passage, 'I wrote your name on the palm of my hand to remember you,' and I'm like, 'Okay, I'm in good company.'''
—Sarah Palin, on writing notes on her hand for her Tea Party convention speech, March 6, 2010




''What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?''
—Sarah Palin, inquiring with Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons about banning books right after taking office in 1996




''The perversion over these last years of what the media has done to conservatives, I think it's appalling and it violates our freedom of the press.''
—Sarah Palin, on negative media coverage of Republican congressional candidate Vaughn Ward, Boise, Idaho, May 21, 2010




''We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn't that ironic?''
—Sarah Palin, admitting that her family used to get treatment in Canada's single-payer health care system, despite having demonized such government-run programs as socialized medicine that will lead to death-panel-like rationing, March 6, 2010



''Our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of.''
—Sarah Palin, on her foreign policy experience, CBS interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 25, 2008



''I don't know if I should Buenos Aires or Bonjour, or... this is such a melting pot. This is beautiful. I love the diversity. Yeah. There were a whole bunch of guys named Tony in the photo line, I know that.''
—Sarah Palin, addressing a Charity of Hope gathering, Hamilton, Ontario, April 15, 2010



''I'm not politically correct. I am not one to be a word police.''
—Sarah Palin, Fox interview with Chris Wallace Feb. 7 , 2010





''I didn't really had a good answer, as so often — is me.''
—Sarah Palin, on writing notes on her hand during her Tea Party convention speech




''He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.''
—Sarah Palin, botching the history of Paul Revere's midnight ride, June 3, 2011





''[Paul Revere] did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha-type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.''
—Sarah Palin, defending her botched Paul Revere history lesson by taking issue with the reporter, who simply asked her ''What have you seen so far today, and what are you going to take away from your visit?'' (Fox News Sunday interview, June 5, 2011)




''Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate.''
—a Tweet by Sarah Palin, which she quickly removed after being ridiculed for inventing the word ''refudiate,'' July 18, 2010



Palin Rewrites Shakespeare
'''Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'''
—-a Tweet sent by Sarah Palin in response to being ridiculed for inventing the word ''refudiate,'' proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010



''I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree.''
—Sarah Palin, Fox News interview with Sean Hannity, Nov. 22, 2010






''Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're naive if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can win.''
—Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation, July 3, 2009




''Especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.''
—Sarah Palin, defending her fiery campaign rhetoric in the wake of the Arizona shooting massacre by invoking a phrase (''blood libel'') that typically refers historically to the alleged murder of Christian babies by Jews, Jan. 12, 2011




''I haven't heard the president state that we're at war. That's why I too am not knowing — do we use the term intervention? Do we use war? Do we use squirmish? What is it?''
—Sarah Palin, on the situation in Libya, March 29, 2011






''Dr. Laura: don't retreat...reload!''
—a Tweeted message from Sarah Palin in defense of radio talker Laura Schlessinger who took heat for a racially charged rant at a female African-American caller in which Schlessinger repeatedly used the word ''nigger.''


More Sarah Palin Humor






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