DEFUND OBAMACARE … OR ELSE! (UPDATED)

Tea Party Cat

Guest post by Rancid Pissant (Reince Priebus)

Stopping Obamacare is the primary mission of the GOP today, but since it’s already law, we must be creative to find ways to keep it from happening. And we don’t have forever– on October 1st people can start buying policies, and in January they’ll have coverage.

So far having the House vote to repeal Obamacare hasn’t had any effect. Whether the first or the 40th time, the law just marches on, indifferent to the hurt feelings of Republicans.

Now at the latest Republican leadership meeting, the main ideas for were threatening a government shutdown or destroying the country’s credit. These are both good ideas, but it turns out the business community isn’t thrilled about them, so I’ve been tasked with finding other options.

So, I ask you, what else should we threaten to get Obama and Senate Democrats to accede to our demands to kill Obamacare?

So far we’ve got:

• Steal a US missile and threaten to blow up the San Andreas Fault
• Put Gotham City under ice
• Refuse to do nothing about climate change
• Get a rare orchid deadly to humans but harmless to other life forms and threaten to wipe out mankind
• Refuse to pass jobs bill to hurt the economy and instead focus on bills to harass women that can’t pass
• Let Monsanto destroy the world’s food chain with genetically modified crops
• Trick the elite assassins in The Fraternity into thinking that the Loom of Fate is saying to kill anyone who supports Obamacare
• Pass laws designed to discourage and suppress voting
• Borrow Ming The Merciless’s ship to pull the Moon out of orbit to cause climate change
• Put a giant laser on the Moon and blow up the Earth
• Poison the water water so much that it’s flammable
• Block all bills, all nominees, to stop the government from working
• Take hostages in a new skyscraper in Los Angeles
• Hijack a plane
• Strap a bomb to our chests and blow up the Capitol building
• Put a bomb in a school somewhere in New York City
• the GOP will blot out the Sun in Springfield
• Rand Paul will lecture black people on why they should be Republicans
• Ted Cruz will use his tesseract to release the Chitauri army on Manhattan
• John Boehner will pull this car over right now. He’ll do it!

Please add your suggestions to the comments below, or use the hashtag #DefundObamacareOrElse. Remember, as Ted Cruz says, “This is a fight we can win.”

UPDATE: Suggestions from Twitter

I asked conservatives on Twitter to use the hashtag #DefundObamacareOrElse to suggest more things for the GOP to threaten, and the loyal faithful came through. If these suggestions don’t put fear in Obama and the Senate Democrats, then nothing will!

Lenny @DimeStoreNinja
#DefundObamacareOrElse Ben Affleck will play every cartoon superhero in every movie.

Shermaclay @Shermaclay
#DefundObamacareOrElse My elderly father-in-law will keep yelling at the television.

Nutcrack a'lackin' @Nutcracker_man
#DefundObamacareOrElse they'll vote to repeal it again

DC @Skuuterz
#DefundObamacareOrElse the poors will live long enough to elect king Obama again.

Casey @CaptLaserPants

#DefundObamacareOrElse Geraldo Rivera will post more selfies.

9:23 PM - 27 Aug 2013

Ken Krumholz @kenk928

#DefundObamacareOrElse I'LL TELL MOM

9:09 PM - 27 Aug 2013

Mrs.Darcy @duvall61

#DefundObamacareOrElse no soup for you

Robert Crawford @jurassicpork59

#DefundObamacareOrElse we'll bring back the Macarena, kidnap Al Gore and force him to dance to it on national television.

Devin @devbost

#DefundObamacareOrElse we put John Ashcroft singing "Let The Eagle Soar" on infinite loop.

#DefundObamacareorElse ... Mr. Burns will have Smithers release the hounds!

WinkProgress: Defund Obamacare...OR ELSE!!! Now updated with the #DefundObamacareOrElse suggestions from Twitter: http://t.co/wBCtlevpXK