[narrator intro]
While conservatives hoped SpongeBob SquarePants would now promote their ideology, another stronger more truly conservative cartoon character was already at their beck and call!
[Right-Wing Ralphie]
It's me, Right-Wing Ralphie!  And I've been truly right since way back when SpongeBob first started experimenting with same-sex/different-species relationships!
I mean, do you really think an undersea sponge who writes books about global warming is the right choice for the conservative cause?
Right-Wing Ralphie is right for the right, because . . .
I live in a magical land where tax cuts always mean more jobs!
A land where only the lazy are unemployed,
And the safety net is what you wear to keep my burgers safe from your stray hairs! Hoohoohoohooo!
In RightWingLandia, you can choose any health care provider in a wide, open, unfettered free-market-- from high end face-lifts, to bargain-basement leech-suckings, loppings and free policy cancellations!
But remember, the best health care is preventative care-- with guns!
God loves guns and so should you!  Hoohoohoohoooo!
So why rely on that phony cartoon character, SpongeBob, when everyone knows Right-Wing Ralphie is the true Conservative Cartoon!  Hoohoohoohoooo!
Oh!  And I almost forgot-- in RightWingLandia, only Rand Paul has access to Wikipedia.  Hoohoohoohoooo!  Toodleooo!